The Same Thing, Only Different

Things Change.

2006-06-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

I've neglected this blog for far too long. Besides my own lazyness, I can also attribute my recent lack of posting/visiting to big changes, good and bad. But all is stable now and hopefully I'll be back to posting regularily soon.
I've missed you my dreamlets! Please forgive me.

Back To Life

2006-02-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

Two whole weeks have passed and my self-imposed vacation is now coming to a close. Monday morning (7:00 am to be precise *groan*) I'll be working a mindless job in a bland office delivering documents to different departments. I've visited the office, it's huge. Maybe I'll get some exercise, that would be a miracle. Two weeks ago, my intentions were to work out at least three times a week. Needless to say I've not only refused to work out, I've also refused to get out of bed before noon. My sleep issues have been solved at least. I think spending the better half of two weeks asleep has caught me up completely on all the sleep I didn't get over the last six months or so.
I don't mind so much having a job that requires no brain power what-so-ever. Before I get back to my real career I'll relish in being able to go home at a reasonable hour, get paid regularly, and while I'm not so naive to assume there will be no office politics, I am looking forward to not having to bend to the whims of a raving lunatic of a boss. Ah, yes, these next few months will be my working vacation.
This vacation has not been entirely a loss. The first week my boyfriend Ryan took off work to prepare for, and subsequently celebrate his 27th birthday. Friends from far and wide traveled great distances to join him during this time. We slept in every morning, went out for a breakfast bloody mary, went back home to nap, watched movies, went out to eat, visited with friends, played darts. It was lovely. The birthday party itself was so much fun I promptly forgot bits and pieces. I do remember the bill for the two kegs though, ouch! Ryan takes his birthdays quite seriously. In preparation, he grew out "the lemmy" (see: Motorhead) and transformed his home into a multi-level bachanalle. The basement was reserved for loud music and dancing, one keen observer did point out the tv above the bar that was playing porn, the entire time. Eh, well. I spent most of the party upstairs at the Karoke Championship. $10 enters you into the contest, you choose six songs and then you are voted into the next round via the xbox game, Karoke Revolution. I got into the second of three rounds (too much beer makes Jess a little flamboyant) The final three contestants were judged by an applause-o-meter. Really, we had to rent this devise. The winner was a friend of Ryan's. He took home the championship belt (complete with rhinestones and a shiny silver microphone medallion) as well as the huge cash prize.
I remember not winning, I remember doing keg stands like a 18 year old co-ed, but I don't remember how I got a whopper of a bruise on my shin. I didn't notice it until the next morning. It's still there and it hurts! That will teach me I guess, I just wish I could remember exactly what I did to cause it so I can avoid that particular activity next time.
Good times were had, a few local celebrities showed up (that was weird) and a few people even threw down a couple bucks to help pay for the kegs. All in all, it was a great way to end my first week of vacation.

Now, this last week...................well, not as much fun, but still it's better than working.

Missing In Action

2006-01-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've disappeared, these past few weeks have been pretty crazy.

To get everyone up to speed:

I've been dating a new boy, his name is Ryan, he's pretty cool.

I quit my job, or more accurately, I've submitted my resignation and I've been dodging re-negotiation attempts ever since. My new "temp" job will begin the second week of February, hopefully I'll find something within my industry soon.
My lease is up in August, if I can't seem to get a decent job by then I'll probably be moving to Chicago which is sad because I LOVE MPLS.

Yesterday I *finally* let go of the last man who broke my heart by getting another piercing. It hurts like a motherfucker, but not half as bad as he hurt me. I may or may not have explained my heart-break protocol. Basically, upon letting go of hurt (usually guy related) I get something pierced. It's my own little ritual and I like it.

2006 Will Be My Year.

2006-01-02T09:39:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year my lovelies, my dreamlets, and my good influences. You all have made my blogging so much more to look forward to and for that, I thank you.
Among a thousand other things, I hope in this next year I'll actually get to Spain so I can bug Cara in person. I hope to get my business up and running, I hope to find the perfect little flat in which to house myself and my three pests, I mean cats.
If anything at all, I hope 2006 will be a year of change and growth, professionally and personally.

Cheers to that!

It Bears Repeating.

2005-12-23T12:15:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been writing a lot about my family, there are a few reasons for this. The holiday season brings out my sappier side, yes. But more than that I find that the older I get and the more complicated my life gets, it's my family who are my only constant. Friends come and go, no matter what I'll always have my family to pick up the phone or open their homes for me.
Back in 1988 my mother, aunts, my oldest cousin and my grandpa recorded a collection of Christmas music in the Old St. Ambrose Catholic church on the East Side of St. Paul. Songs ranged from your traditional Christmas fare like "Away In A Manger" and "Silent Night" to some traditional Italian Christmas Songs and to my personal favorite, an old Appalachian carol called "Judah's Land". They recorded it to cassette tape and printed black and white covers with a picture of them standing in front of the wood burning stove that sat in the living room of my family's first home.
In the liner notes my aunt Nancy wrote a letter to all of us grandchildren.
"We made this for you, our children who we love so much, so that you may always remember the joy our family took in creating music together."
I found my copy of the "Christmas Gift" as they entitled during a much needed closet cleaning. As an extra Christmas gift, I burned cd copies as I'm sure my sister and cousins have all lost theirs. Today I decided to listen to it while I ran some last minute errands. Everyone sounds so much younger, with the exception of my grandpa, who's always had a low gravely voice. I didn't hear it so much when I was younger, but listening to it now I can hear they were having so much fun. The last song on the tape is "Silent Night" and my mother and my aunts all delivered to us, their kids a personal "Merry Christmas". I could hear my mother giggling throughout this last bit.
While I'm happy to give these cds as gifts to my family, I have to acknowledge that this music might serve as a reminder and a comfort to us grandchildren when we loose our grandfather. No one is anticipating him leaving us any time soon. The man's 87 and in better shape than most 27 year olds. For example, this last May he out-walked the rest of the family while touring Rome. It's a sunny outlook but in reality we all know it won't last forever. This year's Christmas gift is a bitter sweet one but I give it in hopes that it's crackling audio will help all of us connect to him when he is passed.

Adventures In Singledom

2005-12-13T17:11:00.000-08:00

A few weekends back my mother took me to see the Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra. It was nice, we don't usually hang out just the two of us anymore. During intermission she asked me if I was seeing anyone new, I said no but I'm kind of interested in someone. I can't stand not knowing secrets, my mother is ten times worse. I caved pretty quickly and told her that I thought one of the guys from her AA group was good looking. Yeah, I'm desperate enough to ask my mom to set me up with one of her recovering addict buddies, that's fucking pathetic. But it gets better.
She looked a little dazed when I told her.

"There's just one thing about him you should probably know" she said.

"oh great" I say, "he's married. No, no, he's gay, that's it right?"

"no, no it's not that. Jess, he's also a recovering sex addict"

You can imagine my initial reaction was "yeeeeeeeessssss!"

Thank God I suppressed that and went directly into embarrassment mode. I can fake prude like nobody's business.

UPDATE

2005-12-08T16:26:00.000-08:00

not good news. We did not get a nomination. I'm not at liberty to say, except our artists are CRAZY. They totally fucked it up and I'm pissed.

I'm ready for 2006!

It's A Wonder I Survived.

2005-12-05T11:46:00.000-08:00

As I may have already mentioned, this last Thanksgiving I was lucky enough to enjoy not one but THREE Thanksgiving dinners. The last of which was hosted by my mother and my step-dad. This year they prepared a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for all their "orphan" friends, those who don't have family or those who just live too far away to enjoy the holidays amongst their relations.
One guest brought her two young boys. I don't really fit in with this crowd so I chose to play with the kids while the adults conversed around the fire. My mom brought us some markers to color with. Really nice washable markers that smelled like apples and oranges and lemon. As the three of us were poised and ready for some serious coloring my mother dumped out the box of markers and with them come 30 sharp nails. Who stores nails with children's markers?
I had to laugh as I was prying the nails from their sticky little hands and I had to think back to all my childhood crises.
The electrocution at age 1, the waddling out of the house and onto the highway at age 2. My mom even admitted to hiring an ex-con as a baby-sitter when she needed someone in a pinch, to her credit she didn't know of his criminal record until after the fact. For all my mother's motherly short-comings, I couldn't have asked for a better childhood. I was her first, she was only 19, she committed herself to my sister and I as a stay at home mom. Now she is my best friend, confidant, mentor and spiritual advisor.
It only took me 26 years to figure it out, but I think my mom is probably the best mom to ever be blessed with two rotten daughters.

wish me luck

2005-11-30T13:29:00.000-08:00

December 9th grammy nominations are announced.
If we get nominated I'll just have to buy that $2,800 gown I've been eyeing (in vogue magazine)

meh.

2005-11-29T08:51:00.000-08:00

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howweirdareyouquiz/">How Weird Are You?

Giving Thanks

2005-11-22T08:32:00.000-08:00

I'm a lucky girl. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and I'll once more be reminded of how incredibly blessed I am. Twenty plus family members are expected to cram themselves into my grandpa's house for Thanksgiving dinner. A meal consisting of turkey, lasagna, spaghetti, and various vegetables, casseroles and my annual contribution of haute cuisine. As tortuous as this sounds, I have to admit last year I got choked up watching my family screaming about 8 different conversations across the room in my fondest image of the fam, yelling at eachother in an effort to be heard over any combination of accordions, harmonicas and that smacking sound when a hand meets the face/gut/bottom of a brother/sister/aunt/uncle and sometimes unsuspecting guest. Yeah, my family hits, but that's how you know you are loved.

So, in my blogging absence, I've been reflecting on what and who I'm grateful for. This list is literally endless, however what follows is a brief list of my countless blessings.

I'm grateful for my one and only girlfriend Janine who will be moving back from Wales next month.

I'm grateful for my cats, as much as I may bitch, they enrich my life.

I'm so grateful for my two best friends in the world Peter and Ted. I couldn't live life without them.

I'm grateful to be working at a job that gives me room to grow and learn.

and

Last but not least, I am eternally grateful to have been blessed with my family. No one will ever be able to grasp exactly how amazing each and every one of my family members are. The older I get the more I come to realize that family is God's greatest blessing and I cherish every moment I'm given with them.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Filler.

2005-11-10T13:24:00.000-08:00

For lack of anything interesting/poignant/silly/heart-warming/alarming or relevant to say, I'm just going to blather on and on about things some people may or may not know about me.

When washing my hands after using the toilet I try very hard to only use one paper towel. I hate excess waste. If those air dryers are available I'll use them in lieu of paper products.
Each heart break I've been through I memorialize by drastic change. I.E tattoos, piercing, hair colors. Piercing are the best because, like heart break they aren't permanent and can heal over time.
Public places bother me, I don't like people I don't know touching me. Even babies creep me out. While ordering lunch yesterday I side-stepped a very animated child. I must have had a disgusted look on my face because the mother of said child to shot me an equally disgusted look. I'm sure that kid's hands were festering with all sorts of bugs. Probably it's own feces too. Can you blame me?!?!
Animal cruelty will haunt me for days on end. I'm sure this will lead to my eventual veganism.
I'm an atrocious speller with a pretty decent sized vocabulary. I spell check a lot.
I have to read at least one book at all times.
I'm addicted to burts bees lip balm, I can't live without it. Seriously, I go through withdrawl.
I write to-do lists every day.
I talk to my mom at least three times a week, I see her at least once a week.
Some health facts: Heart murmur, slight scoliosis, anemic.
My favorite beer is Guinness, but I'm always up for trying new things, and by things I mean more beer.
I annoy people with my vicious music snobbery.

There's so much more, this is just what comes to mind at the moment. Today has been really lax, boss is out of town (thank god!) so I've written this blog, painted my fingernails and toenails, update crap on myspace, spent too much time reading message boards, went out for lunch, and took random pictures in the office. Pure boredom.

A Toast

2005-11-01T15:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'll drink to the passing of my 25th year. Here's to turning 26.
I am O L D.

Bitchiness:Coffee Consumption

2005-10-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

I've failed in my attempt to go without coffee. I simply cannot do it and I'm done trying. This time I got past the initial migranes/dizziness and bolted full throttle into "Bitch Mode".
I think I realized I had a problem when I screamed at my boss "ITS NOT ON HER MOTHERFUCKING COMPUTER ALRIGHT!!!" There may have been some other choice expletives in there somewhere, I have to rely the play-by-plays from my co-worker who was an innocent by-stander.

I'm enjoying my current comatose Starbucks status presently with which I credit fully my ability to actually post something on this blog.

How was it I quit smoking with no trouble at all? Strange how one's body favors certain stimuli over another. I won't go into my other indulgences, but they are hardly what one could call harmful, at least not to me anyway.

My new best friend is the barista. We have a special relationship, one that transcends mere supply and demand and ventures into the realm of blissful tranquility.

The Sweetest Day

2005-10-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday would have been my 5 year wedding annivesary. We really did have the most beautiful wedding. The leaves were all sorts of gold, red and orange. There was a warm breeze that day, I guess what you would call an indian summer.
My ivory gown with it's catherdrial train shimmered in the sunset's glow. Inside the church everything sparkled. The candles, the champagne satin of my bridesmaids gowns, the ivory and deep crimson of the roses, and the diamonds.
Everyone says it will be a day you'll remember forever. That is partially true, I only remember bits and pieces. I remember the weight of my platinum wedding ring on my hand being much heavier than I had anticipated. I remember being surprised after the ceremony with a 1949 Cadillac limousine, I actually remember saying, "wow! who drove that to our wedding and why would they park right in front of the church?" not knowing it was for us. I remember waltzing down the isle with my new husband and being confronted by five children no one knew. Turns out they just wandered into the ceremony, they wanted to touch my dress and see my ring and hold my flowers. They were all so un-invited but funny at the same time.
Even though it was beautiful and a faerie tale come true, I never want to go through that again.

Yom Kippur

2005-10-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Yom Kippur was yesterday, but this is amusing so I'll post it today.

Smoker guy #1: I won't be at work Thursday cause of Yom Kippur.
Smoker guy #2: You can't come to work?
Smoker guy #1: Can't work, can't eat, can't drink.
Smoker guy #2: Can't eat or drink anything?
Smoker guy #1: Nothing from sundown to sundown.
Smoker guy #2: Jesus!
Smoker guy #1: Wrong.

-As overheard on 49th & 8th

honorable mention goes to:

Overheard on Wall Street.

Bosslady: She needs to get her ass into work and finish this shit up. I hate these 2 day Jews; tomorrow she'll be eating a bacon cheeseburger.

So This Is What A Water Balloon Feels Like

2005-10-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

How the hell could I be sick? The amount of vitamin supplements I take daily is enough to preserve Tutankhamun and yet, this morning I find that some shit gang of bacteria have squirmed their way into my cranium and are currently playing slip and slide all up on my sinuses.
And here I thought I was doing everything right. My diet is kick ass, I don't drink coffee anymore (sob) or soda (meh) I drink 2 liters of water every day, a glass of red wine (for the ticker;) and so many pureed fruits and vegetables I'm practically drowning in goodness.
If it's bird flu I'm gonna be PISSED!

Pleeeese God, Pleeeese Can I Be A Bond Girl

2005-10-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

According to Reuters that luscious Daniel Craig is likely going to be the new James Bond.
Last night I borrowed my roommates copy of "Layer Cake", a real waste of time movie save for the fact that Mr. Craig does grace the screen with a few skin bearing scenes. It's never enough though is it? Yum.

snown3d

2005-10-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

Bands I'm Supposed To.....

2005-10-06T10:39:00.000-07:00

I got this from Vinyl Mine. What follows is a list everyone should make at least twice a year.

Bands I'm Supposed to Like But Really Don't: Sufjan Stevens, Devendra Banhart, Arcade Fire

Bands I'm Not Supposed to Like but Like: AIDS Wolf, Mastodon, Theivery Corporation

Bands I'm Supposed to Like and Really Do: Deerhoof, Royskopp

Bands I'm Not Supposed to Like and Really Don't: Franz Ferdinand, Pussycat Dolls

Bands I Used To Like and Shouldn't Have and Don't Like Anymore: The Shins, The Killers

I'm gonna go ahead and tag the K-man, Caracola and hmmmm anyone else who feels the need to divulge their embarrassing musical sins.

Addict

2005-10-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

Going on three weeks with the new diet. So far so good. Being the consummate foodie that I am there are moments of extreme temptation but overall I've only allowed myself the tiniest of cheats.
One indulgence (i.e. addiction) I've acquired is for these naked juices I have about one a day for lunch. Oh man, they are so good! It's like biting into an apple filled with sex.
Congratulations are in order, in two weeks I met my goal of loosing 10 lbs. Back to my highschool svelte self at 120 lbs. I wouldn't even mind losing 5 more pounds, that would be it though.

I'm This Girl

2005-10-03T12:35:00.000-07:00

Last week I stumbled upon this story. There is a passage in it that explains, better than I ever could, the futility of my love life and why I'm destined to fail at any and all relationships.

"You wake up", she said, "and you just decide: I like this boy. Who knows why? And it's more like it's decided for you. And you spend so much of your life afterwards trying to live up to that decision."

My mind was made up two years ago and I'm still trying to come to terms with it's implications. Because there is always that one boy that you can't seem to forget about and no one else could possibly take their place.
That decision wasn't made on a lark, and when I realized that my husband wasn't the one, I rectified that immediately with the divorce decree. Much to the chagrin of everybody I knew.

I'm not the only one either. And I could even say I count myself among the lucky. A friend of mine had found her "one" while she was living in Texas. About a year into their relationship he died in a fire. That was ten years ago. She had made up her mind and now he's gone. What does she do now? She has committed herself to a life of solitude save for a few friends. I'd like to think that she could choose to find someone else but I know better and it's really not up to her.

It isn't about moving on or healing or being stubborn. What do you do when your mind is made up and there is nothing you can do to reverse it?

It's pretty apparent I'm in a mood, we're "on a break" and I can only watch "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and listen to Beck's "Sea Change" so many times. I suppose the only alternative is to get thee to a nunary!

expectations

2005-09-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

is it wrong of me to set aside one evening a weekend for the boy? i don't have to go out friday and saturday, one or the other would do just fine.
i don't like being put aside.

fuck. now who's going to entertain me?

Y'know What Else Autumn Is Good For? HUH? Do Ya?

2005-09-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

September is coming to a close and my favorite month is just around the bend, with it comes my annual show binge.

There are at least 10 shows I've marked on my calendar as "MUST SEE"
Many of these bands aren't even touring through the market, bands like The Blind Shake, STNNNG, and Sicbay are all local. How lucky Minneapolis is!

To sweeten the bill, out-of-state bands Grand Ulena, Wolf Eyes and Tight Phantomz are also coming through, all of whom I've seen before and have enjoyed exponentially (especially Grand Ulena)

I foresee some dead tired mornings ahead of me. Ears still ringing from the bass stacks, eyes puffy from lack of sleep. Oh how glorious October will be!

The Official 1st Cheat On My Diet

2005-09-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spied some discarded McDonald's french fries on the conference table where someone had evidently just finished lunch.

I'm not too proud to admit that I actually thought about sneaking them for myself.

But I didn't.

Approximately 8 feet from the door to my office there is a bag of bbq flavored potato chips. I could NO LONGER resist their siren song. I tip-toed from my office (in bare feet so no one would hear the click-clack of my heels) grabbed a handful of these greasy, processed chips and, skittered back to my cave. And you know what?

IT WAS WORTH IT.

Now back to my regularly scheduled diet of oatmeal and water.

Out-Box

2005-09-27T14:06:00.000-07:00

The greatest evidence of work completed can often times be found in the email out-box. Love letters to past boyfriends also reside there just waiting to be discovered, so tread lightly.

I just spent the past hour reading and subsequently deleting every email I sent to my ex. I always knew I had pretty strong feelings for that clod, but it took reading all the lovely words describing my feelings for him to realize that I'm a kick-ass girlfriend.

It's true, sometimes one can over-do the "I love you"s and the "f*ck me now"s but it could be worse. I could be one of those cold birds who has an issue with personal space.

The boy tells me he's "so lucky" all the time and I know he's being sincere, I'd just like to get a love letter once in a while.

I'm not complaining!

I'm just saying is all.

Worth The Wait

2005-09-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was delighted at the sight of autumn leaves falling on the grassy front yards and blowing across my path this morning.
The temperature dropped a good 15 degrees yesterday and the air has turned crisp. Waking up with a slight chill coming through my leaky windows makes me want to hide under my bed covers all day, forget work.
I've been waiting all year for this. I add another year to my life, alter my wardrobe, don a new sweet, musky perfume, and break out all the hats that have been collecting in my closet. Walks this time of year refresh me more than any other time, the air feels purifying in my lungs.

I look forward to cuddling with the boy under a thick quilt for a movie.

I look forward to driving down to Iowa City to see a Hawkeye football game.

I look forward to the bright reds and orange leaves along the river.

Fall is here and it's been worth the wait.

Turbulence

2005-09-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

The flight back from L.A. was interesting. Thankfully, not as interesting as some very fortunate jetblue passengers. The last thing anyone wants to see right before boarding a flight is CNN reporting an airbus making a crash landing. At the very airport I was about to leave no less.
After the commercial break I was treated to breaking news from Minneapolis. Severe storm, possible tornado touch-down.
After an hour and a half delay (which really isn't all that bad) and after witnessing the dramatic landing of the handicapped jetblue plane, we were allowed to board. Smooth skies for about two hours. The last hour and a half was constant turbulence. Hands down, the most rocky flight I've ever been on. I'm not a fan of roller coasters specifically because I don't like feeling my stomach creep up into my throat. Last night's flight was just that, coupled with lightning bolts right outside my window over looking left hand side wing.

Oh I was grateful to be safely on the ground after that ordeal.

Two weeks from now I'll be back in L.A. Maybe I should look into taking a train.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane Part Deux

2005-09-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Thank God I don't have to go back to D.C.

This time I'll be in sunny Los Angeles, again for work but at least this time it's during the week. I'll actually get a weekend! By golly I need one too.

Unfortunately I won't have time to hang out with any of my west coast friends as I'll be booked all freakin' day. No time for the rock walk, no time for Toi, FRICK! I won't even have time for Canter's! That, in and of itself is blasphemy. God I could go for some Canter's RIGHT NOW!

Oh well, next time.

Glad To Be Home

2005-09-19T14:11:00.000-07:00

This last weekend's trip to D.C. for work was a nightmare. Everything that could have gone wrong did.
A piece of advise to anyone traveling there. Do not, under any circumstances drive yourself around the city. Streets suddenly cease to exist. Names of freeways change without reason, or signage for that matter. And, no one, not even the locals will be able to help you re-direct yourself if you get lost.
One really cool thing did occur though. I got to meet Andre Crouch. You guys probably don't know who he is, but in the world of gospel music, he is a living legend.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane Part 1

2005-09-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, my boss declined my request to be sent to this year's CMJ. Instead, I have to read about how much fun every one is having while flying off to Washington D.C. for work. There are two suck factors for this weekend. One, it's the weekend, but I'm still working. Two, I've never been to our nation's capitol before and I won't get an opportunity to do any sight-seeing. I am bringing my camera so if I happen to see anything worth while I'll be sure to snap a quick picture.
If that weren't enough I'm missing at least three good shows in town. I'll be flying home Sunday night, leaving just enough time to sleep and go STRAIGHT BACK TO WORK Monday morning.

All I can say is I better get a raise. A big smelly pile of cash should be sitting on my desk upon my return.

Duty, Or Something Like It

2005-09-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I bid farewell to my ex-husband as he has decided to join the army. Yeah, I know, the army. He already has many years of nursing experience, so to him becoming a medic seemed the next obvious step. He left for basic training this morning.
Besides me, he invited a friend of his (who is incidentally dating my best friend) and his two brothers. Needless to say, the first few moments together were awkward to say the least. I haven't seen his brothers since the divorce and they are still a bit salty in regards to me, not that I blame them. After a few beers though we were back to our old selves, which was nice.
Before leaving to meet them, I made sure to pre-write out my name and address on a posted envelope, leaving him without a reason to forget to write to me.
His choice to join the services came as a huge surprise given his disrespect for all levels of authority and inability to keep his mouth shut. I really hope he makes it through basic. It will probably be very difficult but if he gets that far he'll be fine.
In preparation for his new life, he's been training and told us he got his mile down to 6:35. Pretty impressive for a guy his size (6'1", 265 lbs)
I still worry about him, I just hope this makes him happy.

Not The Only One!

2005-09-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

Wow. Just wow.

Last week it was me who had a complete break-down because of work related stress. Lucky for me I locked myself in my office in time to cry in peace and emerge my cool and collected self.

This morning my poor co-worker broke down in tears because the stress is getting to her. I had asked her to come over to my office to ask her opinion about something and two steps through the door she just lost it! Closed the door behind her and wept.
I threw my tissue box in her to contain the swell.

We're not fucking brain surgeons! Why is this so difficult!

Yeah, I'm "Hip"

2005-09-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

"you look really...................hip today" says my co-worker upon seeing me this morning.

It was still pretty early on and I was a tad groggy from last night's activities (yeah, those activities) so my immediate reply was,
"As opposed to what?"
"Oh, no. I didn't mean............you always look nice, but today.......well...... jeans."
I had to cut her off there as she really thought I was actually offended. Blast my dry sense of humor!

My usual work place attire consists of a nice shirt, skirt and heels. My boss calls me "Jackie O" if that gives you any idea.
Because it's Friday, and I tend to dress down come end of week, I opted for jeans and a tank with little buildings on it (so cute!) and my hair is in pig-tails (translate: laziness) and flip flops.

I'll be 26 in a few months and I'm getting the impression from the people I work with every day that I'm dressing like I'm in my 50's, in the 1950's.
Only a year ago I had green hair and my nose pierced, maybe it's the dreaded quarter life crisis? What happened?!?

It's called getting O L D

Levity

2005-09-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

Because yesterday's post was my rendition of Bitchfest 2005 and its still bringing me down, I'm going to take a page from Miss YngLyn's book and fill out the obligatory random questionnaire.

So here goes...............................

Seven Things I Like The Most:
1. anything that tastes like how roses smell
2. klezmer music
3. squishing soggy floral foam
4. minor 7ths
5. watching people trip
6. punk rock vinyl
7. pungent bleu cheese paired with apple

Seven Things That Scare Me
1. spiders
2. losing my mom
3. police
4. that part in Pet Cemetary, you know the one!
5. being found out
6. the state of the nation
7. rejection

Seven Most important Things In My Room:
1. Curtis (my cat)
2. Lenny (my other cat)
3. Alice (yet another cat)
4. my music collection
5. my clarinet
6. my bed
7. my wardrobe

Seven Random Facts About Me:
1. I have no problems with clowns
2. my nickname is Sild
3. I auditioned at Julliard when I was 16
4. my favorite color is green
5. I have a bumble bee tattoo on the small of my back
6. I have WAY too many male friends
7. I wear the same bracelet every day

Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. work in a vineyard
2. go to the grammys
3. write a novel
4. finish writing that damn cello concerto
5. volunteer for a solid year in a third world country
6. adopt
7. live in Europe

Seven Things I Can Do:
1. paint other people's finger nails
2. lecture at length about any genre of music, except country
3. salsa dance
4. cook amazing meals
5. touch my tongue to my nose
6. make interesting objects using junk
7. make babies laugh

Seven Things I Can't Do:
1. ignore stray animals (thus the three cats)
2. bake
3. tolerate top 40 radio
4. let my clean damp feet touch the floor after a shower
5. snowboard
6. not have painted toenails
7. breathe in a cemetary

Seven Things I Say The Most:
1. Tevs
2. je ne comprend pas
3. Frick!
4. Meh
5. pardon?
6. Totes
7. How Bizarre

Seven Celeb Crushes:
I can't even name 7 celebs, sorry.

Speechless, Helpless, Hopeless, Enraged.

2005-09-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

.....are a few of the words that could describe my disgust with this administration's response to the Gulf coasts hurricane victims. This past weekend I spent within ear-shot of news on NPR. Accounts of the dire situation many of the survivors STILL are in is heartbreaking. New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin told 'em what for in this interview. Meanwhile, Bush is to head a probe into what went wrong and waste more time and energy when there are people still needing aid. I thought I'd include this from Michael Moore's site with the following disclaimer: At times Michael Moore can be a tad over-zealous and sarcastic, however it is my opinion that his basic sentiment is a whole-hearted effort to right the many wrongs of the U.S. To wit, see below Mr. Moore's open letter to Pres. Bush.

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:
Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.
Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?
Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!
I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?
And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!
On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.
There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.
No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!
You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.
Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com www.MichaelMoore.com

Leave it to another media empassario, Kanye West for his unrated criticism of Bush on live television.

While I think we can all agree that such criticism is what many would call "below the belt" how is anything ever going to get done without it? After Nagin's begging and pleading for government aid was broadcast and run rampant across the internet the president flew to the devastated area the next day. Count me in the camp of "by whatever means" At this point polite gracious requests will get no one saved, and no one fed.
There are beacons of immediate hope. Houston for example is welcoming displaced victims with open arms, at great cost to themselves. I would have included a link to stories of Texas hospitality but mainstream news media depends on the shock factor that stories of looting and shooting deliver. Houton's actions are a prime example of how things should have been approached. Act now, think of the cost later. The need is now, if we sit on our hands worrying about the bill people will die.

While I'm on this rant I'd like to highlight another newfound pet peeve I've discovered. Living in Minnesota we have a few thunderstorms, and there are a few flood plains, not to mention our legendary winter storm seasons. Local news media has gotten more and more alarmist in recent years. I notice it every time regularly scheduled programming is cut short for an URGENT WEATHER UPDATE *BELLS!!!* *ALARMS!!!* *DRAMATIC HEADLINES!!!* I thought this was just a mid-western phenomena, but as I was reading the accounts of New Orleans residents who stayed throughout the storm one woman's interview proved my theory wrong. She simply told the reporter that every year New Orleans news media proclaims The BIG ONE is neigh. News media plead their viewership to rush to the local Home Depot for supplies and urgent warnings to board up your windows. It's like sweeps week for local news. Time and time again these reports are greatly over-exaggerated and many residents are left in the storm shelter during a mild sprinkling. I too would be a little skeptical at reports of a devastating hurricane heading my way. The woman being interviewed just plain didn't believe the news anymore. Perhaps all this crying wolf led a lot of people to ride out the storm like it was no big deal. Certainly would be better than jumping the gun, boarding up the house in anticipation of a sun shower. Are local news weather teams going to change their alarmist storm reporting. Probably not. Ratings would go down, oh heavens!
Rest assured, I'm not sitting on any high horse, pointing out every mistake I can find while not doing anything to help. My donation, however meager was made to Second Harvest Food Shelf.
I encourage everyone to do the same to that particular organization or to one of your choosing. Just don't follow the example set by our administration and pontificate about who did or did not do what and do nothing while there is still an urgent need for help.

I didn't intend for this to be such a long post, I suppose I had been storing all this since news of the devestation. Some things just need to be said for the record. At least you know where I stand on the issue.

Even the Mundane is Romantic

2005-09-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

Last night John and I decided to play it mellow. Grab some dinner at the neighborhood deli (a deliciously sweet raspberry salad for me, pasta for John), rent a movie (Close Encounters of the Third Kind) and chill.
A few nights back I was laying awake in bed thinking to myself, "we've been seriously dating now for a whole four months! It seems like four weeks!" I think that's a good sign. Amazing, romantic, swept-off-your-feet relationships shouldn't drag on like you would hope. In good relationships, at least ones I would consider good, wonderful evenings go by too quickly, weekends spent together happen in the blink of an eye leaving us to enter into another work week counting the minutes until the next time.
Last night as we wandered the isles upon isles of movies, he raced ahead of me only to catch himself, sensing I'd fallen behind, and reached out his hand for me to follow. When I caught up with him he kissed my forehead and asked me which identity I like better, King Britt or Scuba. I suppose the only reason I'm writing about it here is so that there will be some documentation of "one of those moments" so I can remember how great it felt and how silly a question like that is (as there is no wrong answer.) And, to make all you readers vomit at my inherent sappiness!

Lending Library

2005-08-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

An East Holland library is lending out PEOPLE to it's users for 1 hour interview sessions. This is either a really good idea or a well-meaning idea executed improperly. Among the "resources" are homosexuals, gypsies, drug-addicts, and physically handicapped.
More and more I see parents my age encourage their children's curiosity by allowing them to ask these "different" people questions about their situation. "Why are you in a wheelchair?" "Why do you live on the street" ect... Am I alone in thinking by doing this we are breeding a generation of tactless and rude people? Luckily, my mother raised a pretty tolerant (and modest!) person as she taught physically and mentally handicapped children during my formative years. Often times I'd be called upon to help out. To avoid asking such blunt and personal questions went without saying.
But these are ADULTS, I just don't get it.

To Slore, From Slunt, I'll Be Missing You

2005-08-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

Saturday night was my dear friend Janine's a.k.a j9's going away party. It was held at the illustrious Triple Rock Social Club that has served as a refuge and favorite watering hole for the both of us for oh so many years now. Friends old and new came by to bid adieu and bon voyage as the juke box blasted loud fast punk rock.
After gorging myself early on with cheese fries I pretty much ruined any chances of having more than two freakin' beers as my tummy was NOT happy with the fries. Still, I had a blast. Judging from the way Janine was belligerently screaming at me by last call, she too had a good time.
I'm sad to see such a good friend and roommate leave, but now I'll have more reason to visit her while she resides in Cardiff.

Myself and j9 @ the 1st Annual Drinking With Ian Halloween Hootanany 2004
Now who is going to dress up like a dead hooker with me?!?

rollin' rollin' rollin'

2005-08-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

got my new tire today....................yup.

The Rumor Mill

2005-08-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I just got the scare of my life.

I should preface this by saying this has been quite the bizarre day thus far.

Here's where the confidentiality agreement kicks in, I'll say no more.

Except this, which in no way violates my agreement.

I was led to believe MY neck was on the chopping block, which is unsubstantiated and untrue after conferring with my employer.

WHEW!

Upon hearing the blessed news from the horse's mouth I promptly retreated into my office, shut the door, and curled up into the fetal position under my desk.

I love what I do, I kick ass at it, and the people I work with are 5-star, I had no need to worry. The rumor spreaders came back to apologize for the mind-blowing headache this has all given me and even offered me a beer. At 3:30 already I could use one, but I declined.

Better not drink on the job, just in case there was some truth to their rumors.

When I Say The Most important Thing In My Life Is Music, Its For Reasons Like These:

2005-08-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

"Is there anything better than a new Death Cab album in the fall?" said dave w from music (for robots) .

Nope.

When "Transatlanticism" came out I asked my husband for a divorce. I handed that cd to him because it explained to him what I couldn't, why I didn't want to be married anymore. Almost every track on that record revealed more about what I was going though than I could have possibly expressed myself. "Transatlanticism" said for me what was too cruel to express and it did so gently. For that reason Death Cab will always have a very special place in my heart. It will be one of those records that defined me at a certain time in my life and I'll never forget it.
Sunday afternoon as my roommate and I were packing her things for her big move we set the ipod on random. "Title and Registration" came on. Upon hearing the first chorus, I instantly broke into tears. It was that song in particular that so accurately portrayed my state of mind and rationale for the divorce. It was that summer and autumn that I walked around in a cloud of self-doubt that made me numb to everything around me. I couldn't even think and at the time, listening to that song alone in my car seemed to compartmentalize my emotions and allowed me to digest what I had done and why it was the right thing to do.
So, with the approach of Death Cab's new opus "Plans" I approach it with a nervous anticipation. I want the record but I'm so afraid that 1. it won't be as good as their last, and 2. that it will somehow trigger another life changing decision. I'm thrilled with my life right now and I don't want anything to change. I'm not blaming Death Cab for my divorce, I'm just uneasy about dissecting this new record trying to find it's meaning for me.

Manic Monday

2005-08-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

Upon my first few steps into work this morning, the receptionist took one look at me and said,
"Aren't you due for some good karma?"
The look on my face must have said it all. I had an AMAZING weekend, but now it's Monday, and as Homestar would say "The good times are ovo".
As I drove into work this morning a woman in a silver mini-van rear ended me. It wasn't enough to do any damage but even still she peeled off to a side street to avoid me demanding her insurance info. Like I can afford to make a claim! I'd be better off just leaving it be, however the common courtesy to stop and at the very least apologize would have been nice.
Perhaps human decency has ceased to exist in suburban Minneapolis.
WHAT A SHOCK!

I'm On A Rampage

2005-08-18T12:27:00.000-07:00

I am so mad right now I could spit. I should just save it and spit in the face of that imbecile that lives in my basement. Up until today I was under the impression that she was going to be moving to Wales with my roommate and "The Cat Killah" would be out of my life forever. This morning my roommate told me she isn't planning on moving at all which means I have to live for another year with her chain-smoking, middle-of-the-night-drunken-fighting, idiot-who-leaves-the-door-unlocked-and-wonders-why-we-got-robbed skank ass.
This mogoloid girl fucking drinks Mikes Hard Lemonade WHILE she's driving and then dumps her empties in the road as she stumbles out of her car. So yesterday as I was getting home from work I park out side our place and CRUNCH I drive right over a bottle. I've run over glass before and nothing ever happened so I just thought to myself then, "gosh, I hope I didn't puncture my tire".
Pulling into work this morning, LOW AND BEHOLD, I have a fucking flat. My car is a little over a year old and this is the first flat I've gotten. Thank God I work with awesome people. My office manager (the one who makes all the great food) went and replaced my tire for me! We call him uncle Vern. I'll be picking him up some flowers tomorrow as a thank you. Turns out, my car has low profile, racing tires (I don't know why, it's just a Pontiac Vibe, the girliest car ever) that cost $111.00! Where the hell am I going to get that kind of money? I've already called and bitched out that cretin in the basement for drinking in the goddamn street, though she swears she didn't do it. I'm almost tempted to get my cop of a sister to finger-print the bottle just to prove that it's her's. That wouldn't get my $111.00 back, she doesn't have any money.
FUCK! I swear I'd slit her tires myself, but that would just give her another excuse to NOT pay rent, then I'd be screwed.

Preparedness

2005-08-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

I've picked out all my outfits for the work week ahead, I've ground coffee and put it in the coffee maker, I've even packed myself a lunch. I hope I'm this motivated by the time my alarm clock screams at me come 7 am.
I think these pain meds are somehow turning me into Lil' miss OCD. SWEET!

I'm not dead yet.

2005-08-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

Taking time away from work is bullshit. Though weekends are glorious. I should qualify my first statement with "Taking time away from work during the work-week is bullshit." Much better.
To toast to good health and refilled prescriptions, I'm hoping to celebrate Friday night by going to the Uptown theatre to see "The Aristocrats" A funny, very dirty, vulgar movie. Exactly the kind of flick I can enjoy.
If I'm feeling really adventurous, I'm going to try to get out to Irish fest to see Flogging Molly at Harriet Island. They play every year and every year I get kicked in the head by some mohawk sporting, chain-wearing, spike-wielding dude. I don't mind so much because really, one needs to expect these things when going to see Flogging Molly at an outdoor show, for FREE. The thing that irkes me the most about Irish Fest is the lack of Irish beverages like Jameson and Guinness. Perhaps I'm usually too far blitzed to notice the Guinness/Jameson vendor right in front of me but I distinctly remember being very belligerent about their apparent lack there-of.
First things first, I'm not going anywhere (or drinking anything) whilst I feel like such crap. I suppose if its anything serious I'll bitch about it here on this blog. I'm such a wimp, it's probably nothing.
To be continued.............

I am Going to DIE!

2005-08-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

Fever in addition to 90 degree plus weather is pure torture.
Sunday morning (around 3 a.m.) I awoke to pain so blindingly intense, I *apparently* jumped out of my bed and wandered into my front yard, and hyperventelated until I passed out. My roommate found me in a delirious state and drove me to the hospital.
The entire experience was a blur, but there are a few things I remember VERY CLEARLY
I remember the needles poking me. I remember the doctor pushing on my very very tender stomach, I also remember being told something no woman ever wants to hear, "Miss, we are going to have to give you an emergency pelvic exam"
WHAT? You can't be serious!

It was at this point they injected me with morphine.

Turns out, the only thing wrong with me is a pretty severe kidney infection. Suffice to say, I'll live. At least the ER sent me home with plenty of vicodin with which to stave off the piercing, burning pain in my back and abdomen.
After a month's worth of solid work at my new job, I had to take my first half-day of sick time. I would have taken the entire day off except I was told Friday that I needed to give a presentation to the investors this morning. Which I did. Which went off pretty damn well, considering. I got home, ate solid food for the first time in two days, took some pills and dozed.
I don't know what it is about vicodin but that shit fucks up my dreams BIG TIME.
Of course, I had to call my boyfriend and cry to him about how awful it was, pretty much begging him to dote on me in the absence of my mommy. Which he did, even at my half-hearted attempt at being tough.
He brought me his extra television and dvd player, some movies, orange juice and some fresh honeydew. He is the best-est!

And suddenly, I'm not all that ill anymore. I'll be back at work tomorrow, probably giddy and dizzy from the pain meds, but I'll be there, semi-functioning none-the-less.

I A-Splode

2005-08-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

Time to start dieting. I can feel my body expand every day. I jiggle in places I've not jiggled before, and its not the attractive kind of jiggle either.
Food is just too much of a cure-all for me. Bored? Have some cake. Nervous? How 'bout a candy bar?
It isn't helping that our office manager cooks us lunch every day. Real soul food too. Today we had black eyed peas and pork ribs. With a side of fried chicken. Also a drink called a Golden Cadillac, which consists of vanilla ice cream, ice, creme de cocao, and some French licorice liquor. So yummy.
How could I possibly resist a meal like that?
Maybe the answer is becoming more active. Pshaw! Me? Exercise? Um, no. I have a tendency to pull things that make walking very uncomfortable.
You know what the answer is? I just need to have more sex. That's quite the work out, much more rewarding than running. I've made up my mind, I'll have to break the news to the boyfriend.

Already With The Ass-Kicking!

2005-08-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

Oh, I'm in for quite the doozy of a week.

Friday I deposit my pay check per usual, everything is status-quo. This months going to be tight too because I'm covering three people's rent instead of just my own share. I'll need every last dime to cover the cost. This morning I check my account and there's no record of a deposit. I call the bank, they can't seem to find any record of that transaction. Apparently they've "lost" my deposit. The kind gentlemen on the other end of the line tells me it might be four days until I see that money. Meanwhile I've got a rent check in the mail on it's way to my landlord.

It's a sweltering 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside, probably close to 95 inside. We don't have air conditioning but I've been toughing it out these last few weeks. I might go so far as to say I'm getting used to this heat. Still, not the best environment TO GUT FISH IN. My roommate and some random "dude" decided to go to "Bare Ass Beach" for some fishin'. She's cleaning the hearty catch right now. Four bullheads, one sunfish and one bass. The place reeks and my cats are going crazy at the smell. Its the bullheads that are making me sick. Ugliest, most foul smelling thing ever. I'm afraid to go into the kitchen to see the greasy innards clogging my sink. I'm gagging at the stench and I'm cloistered behind closed doors with incense lit. It's okay though, I can tough this out too.

These last few nights I can't seem to fall asleep. Tossing and turning, trying to find the cool side of the pillow, I sweat all over my sheets so I decided to throw them in the wash. The spin cycle ends and into the dryer they go. Three dryer cycles later, I still have damp sheets. Perfect, the dryers busted.

On my way into the basement to check on my soggy sheets I'm starteld by a soft, drip drip drip on my head. I nearly loose my footing from under me as I step right into a huge fishy-smelling puddle. The ancient kitchen plumbing had sprung a leak and the fishy-gut drainage has made the basement into a sewage-smelling cave.

I could find sanctuary at work. It's air-conditioned at least. Too bad my work load is looking to be interesting to say the least, I'm envisioning a few late nights.

You know that Dido song, where she gets fired from her job but its okay 'cause she's going home to her man. Funny thing, but I'd feel better too with the promise of JohnJohn's kind embrace welcoming me home. Unfortunately, my man is in for just as hellish of a work week as I am and I'll probably not get to see him until next week!!

There's talk on the local "news" of some rain tomorrow night. I hope they're right, I'd be smart not to hold my breath; as they are more often than not, COMPLETELY WRONG on their weather forecasts.

Send cooling thoughts my way, I'll need 'em.

Don't Tell

2005-07-30T16:01:00.000-07:00

I accidentally left out my roommates fettuccine alfredo on the kitchen counter for about four hours.

She's eating it now.

If she gets sick I'm going to feel pretty bad, but that still wouldn't get me to come clean.

This means we're even.

OHMYGOSH!

2005-07-26T22:13:00.000-07:00

OHMYGOSH!
Is this man not entirely, thoroughly handsome?

He is my boyfriend and he is BRILLIANT.
His voice makes me melt, he is talented and he is all mine!
I'm long gone, there's no turning back now, I'm head over heals in love with this lovely, loverly gentleman.

I'm In A Mood

2005-07-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

Today's Playlist:

"My Beat" by Blaze from Journeys By DJ, Special Release Gilles Peterson
"Jazz With Altitude" by Bel Air Project, from Journeys By DJ, Special Release Gilles Peterson
"Slow Hot Wind" by Block 16 from The Outernational Sound
"Make Love" by Daft Punk from Human After All
"Poor Leno" by Roykscopp from Melody A.M.
"International Flight" by David Snell from The Outernational Sound
"In The Waiting Line" by Zero 7 from Simple Things Remixed
"One Starry Night" by Kevin Yost from Journeys By DJ, Special Release Gilles Peterson
"Weak Become Heros" by The Streets, from Original Pirate Material
"Murder On The Dancefloor" by Sophie Ellis Bextor, from Global Hits 2003
"Damaged" by plummet, from Big Beat Future Classics
"It's You It's Me" by Kascade, from United Nations of Future Classics Vol. 2
"It's Too Late" by The Streets, from Original Pirate Material
"Remind Me" by Roykscopp, from Melody A.M.
"Forget Regret" by The RH Factor from Hard Groove
"Thank You MK" by Tommy Guerrero, from Soul Food Taqueria
"Una Musica Brutal" by Gotan Project, from La Revancha Del Tango
"Vai Vai" by Thunderball, from The Outernational Sound
"Black Gold Of The Sun" by Rotary Connection, from Journeys By DJ, Special Release Gilles Peterson

I figure by Monday I'll be back to my normal punk/metal/hardcore self.

I laugh at stupid things

2005-07-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

I pass by this repair shop every evening on my way home from work. Traffic is so heavy at this intersection I usually end up sitting through two lights; time enough to glance over at the misaligned words and chuckle to myself. The best thing about having a digital camera is that I can take random pictures of things that make me laugh. I've got quite the collection already. What I should be using this camera for is to document all the lovely people I have in my life, but for some reason, I'm inspired mostly by superbly silly, random human error.
Sunday night I had dinner with an old friend. I call her Cild. We have been friends since the third grade. Cild is the most bizarre person I've ever come across in my twenty five years on this planet. She always has a new story of her many many follies. This time, however, she relayed a story about her friend who had just given birth prematurely. The baby is fine, aside from being abnormally petite. The little tyke is healthy too. I don't make a habit of laughing at premature babies, but this particular child sent both Cild and I into fits of laughter. For you see, this baby's name is Titus. The parents chose this name before they knew they would have a tiny boy, but even after the fact they chose to keep the name. I can imagine the doctor muffling his laughter upon handing this delicate little being over to his mother and hearing her swoon over him. "Titus, what a big boy!"

River Rats

2005-07-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

Because its so damn hot and because I've been spoiled with easy lake access, I'll be tagging along with my mom and her husband as they spend the day floating on their friend's boat on the St. Croix River.
Any day spent on a body of water usually includes enjoying a few alcoholic beverages (in moderation of course, I mean, how many people are killed every summer from drunken boating?)
But today, however, I'll be enjoying cool river relaxation empty handed as the boat we are accusationing for the day is owned by a recovering alcoholic.
It's well worth it, I can't handle sitting in my oven of a home any longer. Besides, tonight I'll be celebrating a friend's birthday with sake and sushi and then later on I'll be a supportive friend at Erin's burlesque debut. While I'm not too thrilled I have to see my good friends costumed chest, I think pumping her full of drinks before hand will do her performance wonders.
No, there will not be photos in my next post. HA!

I Officially Cannot Wait Until Autumn

2005-07-12T20:14:00.000-07:00

Overheating is not my idea of comfort. Summer can go eat a bag of dicks, I want it to be October. The leaves will change and the air will become crisp.
Come talk to me when its 40 degrees below zero and I'll probably recant everything and beg for this kind of weather.
Until then, I'm gonna keep bitching.

Sun Screen and Smores

2005-07-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

This weekends excursion to Ted's cabin in Cumberland Wisconsin was the perfect way to punctuate my first successful week at work. I think the highlight was watching Ted, Adam and Nick figure out a way to anchor our tube island to the middle of the lake. We were sufficiently inebriated by this time and I'm sure the neighbors were getting a good laugh at our follies. I was designated drink holder for this project so I didn't get in too much trouble, aside from a spill here and there. Besides the Red Stripe I brought, I think Nick and I finished off two bottles of champagne and a bottle of Gwvertsameiner out on the lake. I wasn't too drunk to forget the sunscreen though, and thank goodness for it! I am a bit pink in the places I couldn't reach, but nothing too severe. After floating on our tube island for a few hours we played croquet in the enormous back yard. Yesterday's game was the first croquet I've played in a solid ten years. I need practice, hopefully I'll get another opportunity before summers end. Saturday night we built a camp fire and made smores. It was loverly.

Exhaustion

2005-07-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day at my new job, I even stayed a couple extra hours late. I'm exhausted.
The music industry is exactly what every one says it is; crooked. I can't foresee it being anything but. That might be why I love it so dearly. It's a struggle to straight talk and shoot straight.

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs...There's also a negative side."
-Hunter S. Thompson

Independence Day Is For Lovers

2005-07-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

Most independence Days I spend at BBQ's with friends and family. One tradition I've held very dear is watching fireworks with whomever I'm dating at the time. Some where along the line fireworks became synonymous with romance, just one more event to add to the roster of "couples only"events, great. This year however I watched the fireworks alone. Boohoo. My boyfriend had family plans all day and I didn't feel like tagging along with my friends and their boyfriends for firework displays, so I instead sat on my front stoop with a bottle of wine and enjoyed them all by my lonesome.
It's for the best though, I have my very first day of work tomorrow morning. I'll be off to bed after this post. A lady like me must get her beauty sleep, I've got a big day tomorrow.

The Blogosphere is Filled With Baby Poo

2005-07-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I'm tired of reading and writing and cleaning and pestering my cats I go online and randomly search through blogs. A very high percentage of these stranger's blogs chronicle, in detail their babies bowel movements. I'm not a parent and will never be a parent so I'm out of my element here; but I find it difficult to believe that the different colors of poo your baby can create is so fascinating you must rush to the computer and post about it. How does one comment on that?

Thank God Almighty they haven't posted pictures.

Last Night I Dreamt Of Manderly

2005-07-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been on a movie watching spree. Must be all the nice weather outside that makes me want to stay indoors (?)
Many of these films highlight the ideals of being a lady, ideals I've decided to instill into my own personality and demeanor. First I'd have to quit the cussing and the boozing. That's not very lady-like behavior at all. Though, it will be difficult, I like beer waaay too much. Take last night for instance. Groan, actually it might be best to forget last night.
It's going to be a slow transformation, but I've already started to adopt a few lady-like traits into my daily routine. There are a few items a lady shouldn't leave the house without.
For example:

perfume
make-up
polished fingernails
earrings

Like I said, it's going to be a slow and tedious transformation. I have begun to notice every time I swear, I instantly catch myself and it's actually led to a more cleaned up vocabulary. Progress!

Some of the movies I've watched lately:

Jess=Contributing Member Of Society

2005-07-01T14:52:00.000-07:00

That's right ladies and gents, I finally got a job. It's a little start-up record label, which allows me to help build it from the ground up and actually make a difference.
I'm excited, I start on Tuesday. I will do my darndest to not neglect this blog, as I'm sure I'll have so many work related stories to regale my faithful readership with.
Oh yeah, I don't have a faithful readership.

Hate List/Love List

2005-06-29T15:44:00.000-07:00

It's about time I've updated these. First addition to the "hate" list, my former boss; I'll tell you why.
After an abrupt and unexpected end to my employment I've spent four months looking for a new job. About a month ago my ex-boss instant messaged me at 11:30 in the evening and asked me how I was doing and if I was okay. He said he was worried about me and he wanted to talk to me in person. We set up a meeting the next day for coffee. He assured me he'd be there. Of course, I was stood up. What a dick.

The "love list" additions are as follows:

floral skirts
pretty stationary for writhing letters
SNL's Maya Rudolph-She's a riot!

Never Too Old To Act Like An Idiot

2005-06-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my sister's 23rd birthday. Growing up in The Pocket of Evil a.k.a. Flake Town, going into downtown Minneapolis was reserved mainly for my parents. Though I had always longed to flee said Pocket of Evil, my sister developed a fondness for its backwoods, redneck ways. She is by no means "simple" folk, she's as cosmopolitan as the next 23 year old but when she told me she wanted to celebrate downtown I was surprised. It seemed any time I'd invite her and her boyfriend out for drinks they'd insist on going to places in the 'burbs called Beer Bellies or Chumps, places that sold chew at the bar and everyone had a pile of spent pull tabs on their table top. Places where my requests for Guinness were met with confused and/or agitated looks as I was pointed out my two choices of Miller and Budweiser. Last night however, I was relatively in my element.
I met my sister and her boyfriend at their hotel, from there we walked to Brit's Pub and played a few games of pool. I had no idea my sister was such a shark! We had the whole billiards room to our selves aside from a group of 14 year old boys who didn't pass up an opportunity to peek at exposed cleavage when ever my sister or I took a shot. About an hour into our games we were joined by my friend Lindsey and not long after that my sister's work friends Claudia and Quo arrived. Getting bored with billiards we brought our drinks out onto the lawn bowling deck where Lindsey's boyfriend Andy joined us quickly followed by my friend Ted. The more the
merrier, as they say.
By this time the crowd on the roof-top bowling lawn was mostly yuppie twenty and thirty-somethings wearing polos and hemp necklaces. Among them however was another birthday boy wearing a ridiculous birthday cake hat. I barely had the words out of my mouth before Claudia was acting upon them and swiftly flirting the cake hat off the young man's head. As you can see from the picture, we all had quite a lot to drink at this point. Oh but the night was young! We had a lot more obnoxious drunkenness ahead of us.
We very well may have worn our welcome on the rooftop of Brits so we thought we'd try one of Brian's suggestions and go to Dan Kelly's saloon. I've never been there (or heard of it for that matter) but it was a sports bar and he and my sister would be comfortable. After walking some 7 blocks we arrived at the bar thirsty only to find it had closed. Damn.
No matter, we are in downtown and we are determined to find another watering hole in which to imbibe and annoy. Which brought us to The Local, a quaint and quiet little establishment frequented by Minneapolis's young workers. I had only been there once before (for another birthday party funny enough). The main event back then was "Movieoke" basically Karaoke with movie scenes. For serious movie buffs only.
Movieoeke was not in the cards for us, we had other things on our collective, inebriated minds. Such as getting Ann-Marie shots! True to form, Quo bought her two Jagermeister Bombs. I've never had one, I try to avoid Jagermeister in general, but from what I can tell its a shot of the dark liqueur within a tumbler of Red Bull. It looked awful. Ann-Marie likes her jagermeister though and she promptly downed them both. After the two shots the evening pretty much came to an end. When the birthday girl gets wasted, our job is done. In doing so we all had a good time and I've proven to myself that I'm not too old to act like an complete fool! Yay!

I'm Melting

2005-06-22T18:08:00.000-07:00

My home is an oven. I'm cooking in my own skin. Soon my internal organs will be suitable for service with crackers. I thought changing into a bathing suit to lounge in would help cool me but its just made the sticky film of perspiration on my skin that much more apparent.
Today isn't all bad though. My interview went well, which is to say I'm not confident I've got the job but I can safely say I did my best. How marvelous would it be to get hired and spend all day in an air conditioned office!
Lindsey and I celebrated our mutual satisfaction with our interviews at the Kitty Cat Club. We sat on the veranda and let the breeze from passing traffic cool us. A table of chatty Parisans were next to us going on about who knows what. I thought my French was pretty good until I couldn't understand enough to accurately eavesdrop.
Alright, I've had enough! Its too hot to write, all I really want to do is open a bottle of reselling, strip down and lie spread eagle on the basement floor.
Merci et bonne nuit.

O.C.D.

2005-06-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

As I got ready for bed tonight I was struck with a cold panic. I had lost something and I needed it to fall asleep, without it I'd be destined to lay awake and sweat it out. I tore apart my room looking for it and as I climbed up on a step stool to reach the top most shelf of my closet I realized "what the hell am I doing? Its not like anyone is going to see that I've lost the matching panties to my pjs"
So here I am, uncomfortable, in a messy room, wearing miss-matched underwear. Damn Victoria's Secret! Damn them for insisting on a lingerie wardrobe for every bra!
Though I have made progress as of late. I've stopped matching my toe nail polish to my outfits . So I've got that going for me.

Miscellaneous This and That.

2005-06-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

Hopefully the job search will come to an end on Wednesday. I'll be interviewing for a job that I am perfect for, at least that's what I think. I suppose in matters like this it's not what I think that's important but what my interviewer thinks. Four months of unemployment is enough already! Wish me luck!!!
Wednesday is an important day for my friend Lindsey as she too has a job interview in her chosen field. Actually being able to be employed within our realm of expertise has proven to be a lot more difficult than previously thought. Plus, if she gets this job that means she's back on the travel plan, which means more transatlantic trips for me! I think it's safe to say I have her best interests at heart which include bringing her cheap friends on trips with her.
My friend Claire in Bretigny, France is anxiously awaiting the birth of her second child. She should be delivering today or tomorrow. My thoughts are will her and her fiance, though I'm confident she's got this whole birthing process down, she's such a pro.
Tomorrow is Father's Day. I'm stone broke so the only thing I could afford to get him was monogramed hankercheifs. I don't' even know if he uses hankerchiefs. Plus he is notoriously difficult to shop for. Men in general are hard to shop for, but my dad especially. I'll make up for it on his birthday.
So this post looks to be pretty mundane, no news or any exciting accounts of life in Minneapolis. Sorry suckers.

Finally, Reality TV Worth A Damn!

2005-06-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

No more American Idol. No more America's Next Top Model. Tonight PBS broadcast Operatunity; a show giving average work-a-day people the chance to audition for a role in an English National Opera production.
What I wouldn't give for a chance like that. I would have to work on my opera chops though, Lord knows I've got the gumption.

Unknown Jess fact: I wanted to be an opera singer when I was a little girl.

No .

2005-06-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

I've decided to attempt the no period method. Apparently, if you keep taking your birth control pills with no week off you will never get your period. My ex boyfriend told me about this and it made me want to kick every doctor I've ever had in the balls for not telling me about this option sooner.
It may be unhealthy but so is being incapacitated with abdominal pain once a month. Sometimes Midol just doesn't cut it.

The Feel Of Grapes In Between The Toes

2005-06-08T23:09:00.000-07:00

America is really great and all, but the more I think about it the more I feel I belong in Italy. I'd be happy there. Apparently, my relatives in Turrino own and operate a vineyard. Perhaps I'll move there during harvest and pick grapes for them. I'll work in exchange for a place to stay and some food. That's fair, right?
I better get on that whole learning the language thing. I can't imagine Italians really want to accommodate another dumb American.

The family standing on the street named after their forefathers. Note: I was not on this trip unfortunately.

Serenity Now!

2005-06-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

The house is mine and mine alone for two whole weeks. The roommate and the cretin that lives in the basement are in Wales visiting their online boyfriends. Why not real flesh and blood men, I'll never know. Must be something about the way they type with an accent.
So tomorrow I'll busy myself with some major cleaning. The whole nine yards, I'm even going to clean the bathroom. The garden needs weeding and the fence needs mending. In fact the little neighbor girl is poking her head into my yard as I type this. Wow she's got a huge forehead.

I digress....

Had coffee with the Motz this morning at the Spyhouse. He has an uncanny way of lifting my spirits by pointing out all the bizarre happenings and characters I have in my life. Makes me wonder if these people find me or God forbid I seek these freaks out.

Which brings me to Twitchy. This 19 year old girl has been renting out the basement apartment of our house for about four months now. She's the type of girl that, when speaking to you her eyes float just above your head, and then without reason, cross. Her favorite topics of conversation are:

Steve, her online boyfriend from England
The cool "25 g's" she's getting (more on that later)
How much she loves the incredulously bad horror movie "Saw"
gettin' all up on's at the Gay 90's

Its really a marvel at how some people fall ass backward into cash. Twitchy did just that by getting rear-ended by a corporate freight semi and fegining neck injuries. So when her shark lawyers told her the company was willing to give her a settlement of $25,000 she jumped on it. Ignoring the advise of her lawyers who were confident they could get twice that if not more she went ahead and accepted their offer............. because she wants the money now.
My entrepreneur roommate of mine's eyes flashed dollar signs and convinced Twitchy to get a $25,000 business loan so they can move to the UK and sell their wares.
That was two weeks ago. Since then they've pre paid two months rent and gone on shopping sprees that would rival Miss Paris Hilton.
They're both adults and I'm sure they know what their doing. As for me, I'm going to be happy chilling in Minneapolis for a few more years and dating men that don't communicate with me in webspeak.

P.S. Twitchy's Seventeen magazine came in the mail yesterday. I've snagged it because I need to know how to get jocks to notice me in time for summer vacation.

On My Mind

2005-06-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

Why is it that the creative juices flow at such inopportune moments? More and more I'm finding my mind racing from idea to idea keeping me from drifting off to sleep. One minute I'll envision what I'll paint on that new canvass of mine and the next I'm brainstorming topics for the pod cast I don't even host. All the sudden I'm wanting to delve into the art of paper making. Oh so many cards I could make! Inevidably, I'll forget all these ideas in the morning.
There are only so many books I can read at a time, so many scarves (an unusual task for June) I can keep myself busy with. While I have the time in the day I don't pull out the acrylic, or even update this blog. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong. Maybe I need to become nocturnal.
As of today, my free time might be coming to an end. Now that I have all these tasks I'd like to complete, I find myself close to landing a job. A part time marketing job but a job none the less. Hopefully it will afford me the time to idyll away some free time thinking about all the great activities but not actually doing them. Or perhaps it will instill a sense of urgency and I'll become the renaissance woman I've always dreamt to be.
I'm starting to get sleepy finally. Coffee with the Motz early tomorrow at the Spyhouse, he always puts me in a good mood. Hopefully he'll be excited about my potential job opportunity. Something tells me he will suggest I look for full time employment and not waste my time. At least he's honest.

To Scrap Or Not To Scrap?

2005-05-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

It's been so long since my last post I considered just throwing it all away and starting over some place else, but I figured, why bother? Yes, most of the content of this blog has swayed towards the personal elements of my life and yes, this blog has gotten me in trouble, but its still a chronicle of me. Pleasant or otherwise.
I suppose I owe myself (because, for the most part, I'm the sole reader of my own material) a synopsis of my life since the last post. Well here goes.
Still no job. It's starting to wear on my nerves. My self esteem has taken quite a few blows to the gut and I'm afraid I'll go mad soon. I really thought my resume was pretty damn good, but apparently not. At least not in this market. Too bad I really don't want to move.
The relationship with the married man ended abruptly, a decision I came to and still feel bad about. Not that I'd still like to be with him but because he was an amazing person I'd still like to keep in contact with. Unfortunately he fell too hard too fast and any prospects of friendship would prove to be too painful for him (his words by the way.) That relationship was quickly followed with another whirl wind romance. This time, I fell too fast and thought I'd met the man I would marry. Except there is one huge flaw in my judgment, I DON'T WANT TO MARRY! The break-up process is still going on as I write this but it will end soon. A much deserved penance is being served to atone for my cruel change of heart.
A change brought on not only by my waning feelings but also by the young man I wrote about a few months back. The one who didn't want a relationship. Well, he wants a relationship now and I'm a combination of thrilled and skeptical. We had a lovely time together and he says now that he loves me. Maybe I have been waiting to hear him say that for so long that now that he is I'm not quite believing its true. I'd be inclined to believe I'm dreaming. This revelation of his I must tip toe around as to not frighten it away. Because of this I can't even say I'm too confident in any future with him.
I have come to the conclusion that he communicates in his own particular way. Perhaps it was his upbringing, or maybe too many broken hearts, but this man doesn't express love like normal people. He can hardly pull the words from his throat. What he can manage are statements that both confuse and intrigue me.
I'll just have to try to learn how to speak his language. With my poor track record of communication I think its fair to say I'm a little more than concerned about my abilities and patience. He's worth it though. He's been worth it for three years now, what's a few more? Just as long as there are no more broken hearts.

The Whirlwind That Is Inactivity

2005-02-15T11:19:00.000-08:00

Still in my pajamas, sitting at the computer I realized I hadn't posted anything in a few days. With all of this nothing going on, I must have gotten distracted. I made my first phone call for unemployment today. That was good times.
Valentines Day was yesterday and I bummed around the house feeling sorry for myself. The best friend Peter came by and gave me a rose.
So tonight, I'm going to my regular watering hole for two fer ones and I'll be meeting Erin. We both like knitting and beer, and we both find it difficult to relate to our own kind. I always look forward to hanging out with her. I need more girlfriends to knit with and bitch with and get drunk with.
Tomorrow I have an interview for an unpaid internship. Unpaid. Thank God I can collect unemployment. The only reason I'm considering taking this internship is because the company has a history of hiring the interns. Which is great because I also know what they generally start salary wise and its around what I was making at my old company. So I figure, I can stick it out for three months if I know I'll be hired.

No Fucking Beer

2005-02-11T20:35:00.000-08:00

How, or more to the point, when did my life get so goddamn boring? I'm what? Twenty five years old, and I'm at home, posting in my blog. Alone on a Friday fucking night. Its not like I'm sitting at home waiting for my phone to ring, I've made calls. The roommate (and only female friend) is sick, the best friend is out with his quasi girl friend, the ol stand by is leaving for out of town. An offer that was made to me mind you, but no. I have plans to see a band in a shitty bar. I don't even have a date to go to that! The Motz is nowhere to be found. I've even called my sister. Thats fucking lame. I did think about just going down to the bar by myself, but even then I'd be sitting alone.
There are no pictures on my blog, but really, I'm not all that bad looking. And the roommate? She's waaaaaaay prettier than most girls. Yet, when the two of us go out with the EXPRESS intent of getting hit on. We get nothing. A lot of passing glances, but nothing beyond that. What am I doing wrong? All my guy friends can't help me out with a reason either. This is frustrating!
All I really really want is a beer. I have none in the house and I'm menstrual so I'm craving it something fierce. On the bright side, I'm meeting a new guy tomorrow for coffee, but he's just a friend and then later I'm going out on a "first date" with another guy. I'm just hoping we'll hit it off enough for me to drag him to the show with me afterwards. Otherwise, it will have to be J, and I know this show isn't her thing. I can't show up alone 'cause one of the bands playing has that asshole drummer ex of mine.
Okay okay okay, I'm just trying to blow off some steam here, tomorrow I'll have a much brighter outlook on my social life damnit.

I Hope Everyone Is As Lucky As I Am

2005-02-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

I've got encredible friends. They inspire me on a daily basis. Take for instance my old friend Mark , I read his blog and it gets my brain going. I really need to be doing more with my life.

So What Have I Been Doing With All My Time?

2005-02-06T15:51:00.000-08:00

Finding myself suddenly unemployed, my brain has raced from the "I need to find a job quick!" mentality to the "I think I'll start up embroidery" mode. In the span of a day I had a major panic attack over finding gainful employment to leisurely painting my nails between the chapters of my new read. This constant up and down in my mood (and my heart rate) can't be all that healthy for me, but now I have the time to relax, re-coup and calm myself. Unemployment is a double-edged sword to say the least.
For the first time last night I found that I simply couldn't sleep, I couldn't calm my brain. It was 4 a.m. and I had to wake early enough to get ready for spaghetti at Grandpa's. I couldn't quiet my mind and it was maddening. For as long as I can remember, stress has always exhibited itself through taking a toll on my health, and I fear I'm starting to feel the woosy fever of my situation set in.
To help stave off the side effects, next week I plan on:

Calling my "agent's" contacts to try to score an interview
Meet with some former teachers and counselors over lunch
Get my resume in tip top shape

But I'll probably be spending most of my time on:

embroidering risque decals on my kitchen towels and cocktail napkins
completing my newest accessory, a skinny, stylish knit scarf
finishing "Jesus Jones" by Anthony Kautzman and starting my book club book "Pimp"
looking for cute guys on the internet.

Gahhh! This is pathetic! At least my nails are polished and perfect though.

P.S. I will not be using my new found unemployment to watch the super bowl.

Thrust into Change, violent and otherwise.

2005-02-02T15:11:00.000-08:00

I had to take some time before I started this post. I needed to sort out my feelings and organize my thoughts. There was a span of five days ending two days ago that were probably the worst five days I've ever experienced. And you get to read all about it!
As I posted before, I was dumped. Again. By a guy I really cared about. He chose to do this over email while I was at work by the way. The funny thing was, I didn't feel as horrible as I thought I would feel. There was a moment between tears that I realized that this guy is far from amazing and to be quite honest, I had settled for him. I felt even better when a funny, good looking man asked me out. I felt like I was back on top. I gave him my phone number and he said that he will call me on Sunday and we'd go out to dinner.
Not only did I have the Sunday date planned, I had a "date" for Friday night as well, with the gentlemen I posted about earlier.
Sunday comes around and I start off the day at my home away from home, the Triple Rock Social Club for my weekly breakfast. This was a weekly tradition shared between me and the ex. I made my roommate come with me for moral support more or less. That was the only meal I would have that day.
Sunday night comes, I shower, dress, perfume, primp. And I looked good too. So I sat and awaited his call. He never did call. Feeling lower than dirt, I called my best friend. He was on a date and couldn't talk. Granted, it was a Sunday night, not a typical date night, but it still sucked.
I went to bed early, thinking "great! I'll be able to sleep a little extra and feel rested for work tomorrow morning." and I did. I felt great Monday, ready to start my work week on a good note. I even wore a skirt and heels. Got to work before everyone that day and jumped right into my blinking voice mails and pile of unanswered emails.
Work that day went really quickly as I was working on about three projects, so around 5 pm, my boss tells me to come on down to his office. These end of day meetings were normal for the two of us, just to re-cap the day and get an idea of what was accomplished between the two of us. This time though, we didn't talk about the status of this soundtrack or that record. This time he fired me. For reasons unknown to me and for reasons undisclosed to me, just like that. I'm unemployed.
Needles to say, I was in shock. Granted, I wasn't in love with my job the way I used to be. There was no room for growth, but the stability of it was comforting to me and I made a good living doing what I was doing. First thing I thought was "my family is going to be so ashamed" I called my mom right away. She was so understanding and supportive. She told me all the awesome things about my capabilities that I already knew but needed to hear anyway. She told me exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, and with that, I was on the rebound. I'm still surprised with myself, I thought I'd be in absolute shambles. Perhaps the reason I'm doing okay is because I have faith. Faith that God has a plan, faith that everything will be okay.
That night I planned on going to a musical burlesque-esque type show with my good friend Motzy. I made one more phone call before getting ready to go out. I called my best friend (the one who was on a date the last time I needed him) He raced over to make sure I was okay. He made me a quick bite to eat, as during stressful times I sometimes forget to do those things.
After he hugged me goodbye and told me everything would be okay, my ex-husband called. He asked "what's up? I'm bored" and I told him about all the shit that just happened to me. He insisted he take me out for a drink. He picked me up 15 minutes later and we went to the only place in town you can get a good strongbow, the Chatterbox Pub. We talked about music mostly. Got my mind off my situation for a while. It was really nice. Rarely do we hang out like that, we promised to do that more often. He dropped me off and I had about 15 minutes to get ready for the show. I cleaned off the smeared dried mascara off my face and threw on new makeup and ran out the door.
On my way to Motzy's, my phone rang. It was my best friend, Peter. He told me when he got home his girlfriend called and broke up with him. Seriously, what's going on here? Its close to Valentine's Day (ugh- I forgot about that) people should still be in love! We promised to help each other out and do what best friends are good at.
I got to Motzy's and spilled my guts, telling him everything. He was as shocked as I was. Motzy's always been my biggest cheerleader and he was crushed. He guaranteed a good night of burlesque dancers and sing songery, plus a few whiskey old fashions and I'd be a new woman. Well, he was right. The show was a blast and got me laughing, and considerably drunk. I've got amazing friends, and they are coming out of the woodwork in my time of need.
The next morning, fearing a hangover but being pleasantly surprised when there wasn't one, I woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing. It was 10 am. My first day of unemployment. A cheerful voice greeted me on the other end of the line, a cheerful Motzy. "Thanks so much for the show last night, I had a blast." he says.
"Oh no Motzy, thank you for taking me out and showing me a good time! You're the best!"
"Well, I've been making some calls, and I've got three people who want to talk to you, are you free on Friday night?"
"Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!"
My Motzy had called all of his friends in high places and bragged me up big time. I've got meetings with VP's of big name marketing firms scheduled all week. My spirits went through the roof. I called my mom right away and she was obviously relieved. "See?" she said, "Things will be okay!"
She's right, moms are always right. Thank God!

Gross Displays of Affection at the Speak Easy.

2005-01-29T13:15:00.000-08:00

Friday night I didn't go to the show as I had originally planned. A gentlemen (who will remain nameless) and I decided to go for drinks at the speak easy.
We've had an on again, off again relationship for a little over a year now. And by relationship, I mean casual sex. The whole story is much longer and even more painful, but throughout our acquaintance, he's made it quite clear that falling into the pitfalls of a "real" relationship is something he'd rather avoid and I had better learn to respect that.
During times when I've been involved in a "real" relationship, he would be respectful of my boyfriend and our catching up went only so far as hugs hello and goodbye. Maybe a furtive glance here and there, as we've become quite proficient at reading one another.
Maybe it was because I needed to feel good about myself, or perhaps I felt a need to prove something, but after (another) abrupt end to my "real" relationship, I wasted no time calling him and giving him the green light so to speak.
The plan was to see the ex's band, but I was quickly put in my place, as he had no intention of being a "tool" which I admit, was my intention. I'm glad we opted for the speak easy. Two for ones all night and the place to ourselves for the most part (besides a table of chatty single women in the corner).
I had two beers, he had two beers, we had sex in the bathroom and then again in the car. He managed to get us back to my place where we quickly made our way under the sheets.
Even though what I want most in the world right now is a meaningful relationship, I have no illusions that I will find it with him, I've had a long time to figure that out and its as plain as day.

One More Time!

2005-01-27T13:35:00.000-08:00

So the fucker did it to me again. This time he broke up with via email. No matter, I think I'm used to it by now. I have a date tomorrow night, funny enough, the plan is to go see the ex's band.
Fuck it. I'm done with that asshole.

Ah, is this not happiness?

2005-01-25T16:38:00.000-08:00

An interesting writing exercise can be found at The Idler
I emailed in my happiness moment, we'll see if they actually post it. For the sake of posterity (and the fact that I like my little moment) I'll post it here.

Walking to the car, ears still ringing from the roar of bass amps and kick drums but not enough to drown out the sound of heavy snowflakes landing around me. Holding my true love's hand and realizing that I am still young. Ah, is this not happiness?

Sappy, I know.

My dirty little indulgence.

2005-01-24T20:08:00.000-08:00

No, it isn't what you think it is. Geez get your mind out of the gutter!

I did something tonight that I haven't done in ages. I got home from work and running errands and then I plopped myself in front of the t.v. and spent the next 4 hours there! My God. Now that I look at it written down I feel horrible. FOUR HOURS? I wasted four hours. I watched 6 or 7 shows. None of them very remarkable by any stretch of the imagination.

I've gotten that out of my system and I don't think I'll be making it a habbit. I love not having a t.v. My mother equates not having a t.v. to living in poverty. As if I'm starving and not paying the bills. I laugh when she implies that only because I know I'm using that time to read or write or knit. Well, okay the latter isn't much of an intelectual stimulant at all but it allows my mind to rest. A luxury I very rarely am afforded these days.

And to answer your question, yes, I AM an old lady.

Musical Meanderings: Science of the Mix Tape

2005-01-19T18:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay. I'm a little late to the whole "iTunes" game. I've always been "a little late, er um slow" to lots of pop culture idioms.
So far I've put about seven or eight different records in my computer and I've been spending work hours making playlists for a couple people.
Then I got an idea. Wouldn't it be nice to make a Valentines Day mix cd for the bf. Yeah, well, that's a lot more difficult than I could have imagined. Four cds later, I still haven't gotten the right "identifiably us" mix. I'm getting pretty frustrated. You would think in the 600 some cd's I own I could put together something resembling a "romantic" playlist but nooOOOoOo! Either something is too cheesy or a track shifts tempos and subsequently moods half way changing the dynamic of what I'm trying to tell him, changing the way my FEELINGS are expressed.
One could get into trouble with mix cds. What if a lyric likens love that transcends mere mortal shackles, or (and heaven forbid) a song is too mainstream or "poppy". A mix cd from one self proclaimed "Music Snob" to another is like an artist revealing his muse.

This is a dangerous game, these mix tapes

Coming Soon!

2005-01-17T16:09:00.000-08:00

Poetry.

that's right, I'm climbing back into the saddle.

Alright Jess, way to start off my poetry resolution with a cliche, good job............Philistine!

Polarization

2005-01-15T13:20:00.000-08:00

To know me, is to be confused by me.

Have you ever seen that episode of Seinfeild where Elaine meets another group of friends who are character opposites of Jerry, George and Kramer? She'd call the new group of friends Bizarro Jerry and Bizarro George. I don't know when it happened, but I've got a similar episode playing out in my life currently.
I go out a lot. At least three times during the work week. I go to bars and to shows for the most part. Usually, I identify myself with the "punk"ier crowd. They play in bands, they have mediocre jobs that barely get them by, but their happy. However, once a week or so, I find myself spending time with my "Bizarro" group of friends. They have amazing jobs, they are quite a bit older (10 + years than me) and they even have civic duties. WEIRD. I love both groups of friends, don't get me wrong, but I sometimes question which group brings out the "real" me.
A few weeks back, I was wining and dining with my Bizarro friends and I had an absolute blast. Among these "Bizarro" friends is a wine collector, so needless to say, we drank two of the best bottles of wine I've ever had in my life accompanied by a cigar (I haven't smoked cigars since I was married- but I realized then how much I missed it). We dined on fois gras, steamed mussels and tuna tar tar.
Afterwards, I met my regular group of friends for a show and knocked back a couple of highlifes. They happen to be very popular Thursday nights as they are only 50 cents at one of my favorite watering holes.
I guess I'm not quite sure what made me post this, or what I anticipate coming of this, but its one of the anomalies that I've always been grateful for. If any rhyme or reason can be found in my relationships its probably that I'm usually up for most anything and if I keep that attitude, I'll meet many interesting people in the process. Whether or not they can co-mingle or not has yet to be discovered.

"How Can I Survive This Work Day Without My Beat Box?"

2005-01-13T07:50:00.000-08:00

geez.

It was my intention to write a new entry every other day, but this week has been madness. Keeping busy with work mostly. Yesterday I spent the bulk of the day working on a cable spot, it looks really good. I called my boss and told him he will shit himself when he sees it. I wasn't far off.

Monday I played the part of graceful hostess at book club. Five people total dined on a Japanese inspired meal that could have fed twelve. I bought three dozen California rolls and provided cheese and crackers and olives and the like, while other guests brought plum wine, Japanese beer, egg rolls, fried rice, pickled mushrooms and radishes (it sounds gross but they were amazing!) pot stickers, and these delicious banana and prune stuffed pastries that were deep fried. Oh how we dined.

We try to match the food served at book club with the book. For instance, Monday's book was written by a Japanese author, thus the Japanese food. Next month, we are reading a book entitled "Pimp" so I suggested a meal of crack rocks, blunts and 40's. We'll see how that turns out.

Thursday Night Glitter Fest/ Intro to Parenthood

2005-01-09T19:06:00.000-08:00

I spend most Thursday nights at St. Joes Home for Children in South Minneapolis. St. Joes is basically a modern day orphanage. Children go to St. Joes if they've been taken from abusive homes, if they've been abandoned or neglected. Once admitted, they wait, either to rejoin their family in supervised atmosphere, join a foster home temporarily or they wait to be adopted permanently.
I, along with five other women volunteer to take one "village" (each village holds up to 15 children) for one hour and do arts and crafts. I look forward to Thursday nights the most now. I don't laugh like I do there during any other time of the week and I certainly don't make glitter snow men with my friends at the bar. Some children I see week after week, some I only see the once. A week before Thanksgiving a brother and sister joined the village. The Thursday night we did art with them must have been their first night away from their parents. As hard as we tried we couldn't get them to talk, smile or even make eye contact for nearly the whole hour. By the end of the night they warmed up to us individually a little. The little girl even nuzzled into my waist as I helped her with the glue. Usually, all physical contact is discouraged unless the child initiates it.
The week after Thanksgiving the brother and sister were still there. The change in their demeanor was remarkable. Their eyes lit up when they saw us for another hour of arts and crafts. It was as if they had turned into different kids. During the entire time they laughed and smiled and made sure to hug each of us.
I've seen these two kids once a week since Thanksgiving and last Thursday I heard that they've found an adoptive couple who will take the both of them. I heard the news and I wanted to cry. I had grown so attached to these two I didn't want them to leave. Of course I'm thrilled that they have a new family to love them and take care of them, but I had wished I could try to make them happy just a little while longer. I am going to miss seeing their smiles and the cute projects the would insist I take home with me. At least I'll have those glitter snow men to remember them by.
I am happy for these two, really I am. They aren't my kids but I feel horrible to have to see them go, even though its for their own good. Makes me wonder how somebody could be given such a blessing and neglect it to the point where they get taken away. I don't know the parents of these two, or any of the children but I can't wrap my brain around neglecting pure joy.
I've told myself I don't want children of my own, I've even divorced over the issue, but I resolve I will adopt . So it shall be written, so it shall be done. At the age of 37, I will adopt a child of my own. Married or not, I want to be a mom.

The Ever Narrowing Degrees

2005-01-07T15:04:00.000-08:00

Rarely do I find myself thinking about my teenage years. Partly because I'm "Ms. Busy Working Professional" but also because those years are better left forgotten. I'd rather not think about the most humiliating years of my life thank you very much!
So it came as quite a shock to me when I picked up a Christmas card that was laying on my boyfriend Jeremy's floor, opened it, and found an "engagement" photo with my boyfriend from 7th grade in it; sitting next to my present boyfriend's sister. Yup, that's right. I dated my boyfriend's sister's fiance. So when my Jeremy came back in the room I casually asked him, "So is this your sister who is going to marry Rob Sch***er?"
"Yeah", he says. "I don't remember telling you his name, how did you know his name?"
"Well, um.............. you see, back in the 7th grade......"
Needles to say, Jeremy was a combination of embarrassed and amused. I however feel as if any chance of his family liking me has gone right out the window.

Seriously, the odds people! The ODDS?!?

Lists

2005-01-03T17:36:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking today about all the things I would like to do or have in 2005. I suppose because nobody reads this it will just be for my own personal reference. I'll look back to this periodically to see if I'm on track, maybe it will keep me motivated. Time will tell.

Here goes:

A B.A. degree in creative writing (applied at Metro State)
A nice bike (this one: http://www.electrabike.com/04/bikes/05bikes/str/05_str_15.html)
Pick up another volunteership. This time working with the elderly or animals.
A powerbook
Learn to ride public transport
A meaningful relationship would be nice, but I'm not going to hold my breath. (We'll see if this one lasts- May '05)
Always be reading at least one book. (This has been the easiest of all my resolutions)
Knit more scarves. This won't be a necessity in the summer time. (Skip the scarves for now, move onto baby blankets)
Cultivate a better garden in the back yard. (Ugh, I don't even want to look at the garden right now)
Visit my dad more.

I'm sure there's more, but 10 seems like a good number so I'll leave it at that. As I complete, or at least start a task, I'll edit it or add something in blue to mark my progress.

The Strange Comfort of a Clean Slate

2005-01-01T16:27:00.000-08:00

The first day of aught a five I spent my time the same way I do every other January 1st, strolling through the Minneapolis Institute of Art with my family. I can't remember when this became tradition but its one I actually look forward to as opposed to one I cringe at its mention. I like to think we go through these motions because we are greeting a year of uncertainty together, starting off the year as one in hopes that it will be full of prosperity and more times with each other. I'd like to think that, but I imagine its just that we all enjoy trips to the museum.
Unfortunately, a tradition held only by myself, is including a different guy on this museum treks. I introduced my ex-husband this way as did I every other serious relationship since. This time however I dragged my( platonic) guy-friend Motzy. This year threatened the museum tradition as I was supposed to be in Chicago celebrating a new year with my (real) boyfriend Jeremy. Needless to say, he broke my heart and any aspirations of having a good New Year's, but I at least got to maintain this study in familial progressions.
The first day of aught five has also brought an extreme dose of freezing rain. Not that my Saturday night would be filled with any kind of social activity anyway, but now it looks as if I'll be staying in tonight for sure.

Continuing Education

2004-12-30T17:29:00.000-08:00

Sunday, December 26th, an earthquake and resulting tsunami crashed into east asia. Today's death toll reached 114,000 people.
Reading my last few posts made me sick. Here I am wallowing in my own self pity while there is no doubt a much greater sadness in the world. Really put things into perspective for me. I can't leave my mark on the world if I think it revolves around me.
Resolution #3 for 2005: quit bitching about my life, I've got it pretty swell.
I enrolled in weekend college today at St. Kates. My next degree will be in creative writing (hopefully that will make these posts a little more tolerable) here's to hoping.

I promise this will get better!

2004-12-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

I think I have a tendency to carry heartache for a long time, and that's something I'm going to have to learn to cope with. Its part of my make up, part of my DNA. Provided I refrain from medication to help ease this pain, I feel I'll struggle with it for a very long time. Builds character right?
This couldn't have happened at a more inopportune moment. I've been under tremendous stress at work and its affected my health and obviously my relationships. I do wonder if this has happened for a reason. 2004 has been a really good year for me, its about time my fortune has shifted. With the finalizing of the divorce, the new car and the pretty great job, maybe this is God's way of knocking me off my high horse.
2005 can't really get any worse than right now.

I am so ready for 2005

2004-12-26T17:19:00.000-08:00

My heart was broken today.

The Traditional Christmas Eve

2004-12-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

Not that anybody reads this but, Merry Christmas anyway!

This year I actually convinced my sister and my dad to come out to Minneapolis for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner. Both dad and Ann-Marie are native St. Paulites and therefore hate to cross the river, so the fact that they made the trip is a Christmas miracle in itself.
Back when I was married, I fancied myself quite the hostess and I've been itching to get back into that apron once again. I discovered back then that I actually enjoy cooking, and I'm not half bad at it either so this year's menu of turkey and winter squash polenta wasn't much of a daunting task.
I did however, decide to go out to a show last night (Death & Texas @ Big V's) and ended up staying over at Germ's place, so needless to say, I got a late start this morning. I raced home and threw the turkey in the oven, forgetting to untie the legs but remembering to take out the innards.
"Okay" I thought to myself, "four more hours for the turkey, that will give me plenty of time to prepare the rest of the meal." From that moment on I was either cooking, or cleaning up after cooking. The winter squash polenta didn't turn out the way I had wanted, but good 'ol dad and Ann-Marie put on a good face and cleaned their plates. That's unconditional love folks, to choke down a sloppy mess of corn mush and actually smile while doing it.
Not only did they put up with my attempt at a side dish, but the dears also put up with dinner music that consisted of U.S. Maple and The Minutemen (both thoughful gifts from the beau.) Last holiday I insisted on hosting I made everyone listen to Hank Williams, I don't know which they would prefer.
All in all, Christmas Eve went off with out a hitch, my family left happy with their gifts and with a full stomach. I wouldn't mind being a fly on the wall during their car ride home though. I don't think they count me among the eccentric lunatics of the family, at least not yet.

Holiday Parties

2004-12-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

First post from the office computer! This is a rare occasion as I'm currently hiding from my company party downstairs. I don't know when this happened but I became very anti-social in my old age, I've never had this problem before. I recall getting my name written on the board in second grade every day for being too social. What happened?
My anti-social, introspective nature has been an issue of contention as of late. I have a tendency to not share my feelings until I've had adequate time to think through reasons why I feel the way I feel. Unfortunately, this leaves people who care for me feeling very confused, which isn't very fair to them. If I have a problem with somebody, I really should clue them in.
Resolution #2 for 2005- Don't hide my feelings!

Winter Wonderland in the 612

2004-12-20T18:46:00.000-08:00

This morning I awoke to the sound of ice smashing against my (unsealed) windows. Thank God I drove 25 miles up to Flake Town yesterday to pick up an electric blanket from my Dad's, and not a moment too soon.
My alarm goes off at 7 a.m. just in time to listen to "Morning Edition" on MPR. Stories of spin outs and multi-car crashes already filled the news room and I had no doubt I'd have a long drive ahead of me. I don't know why, but I randomly decided to wear my docs today which are notorious for their slippery soles. So of course, as I step onto my door stoop skid, barely catching the railing before I sail backwards down the four cement stairs.
After my graceful recovery, I shimmy down the front path, open the gate and sheepishly step down two more cement stairs to my car only to find the poor vibe encased in ice, and me without a window scraper.
Not being one of those people who makes any contact with neighbors, aside from the 3 a.m. police call to report a drunken fist fight, I jumped a little when a man walking his dog tapped me on the shoulder and offered me his window scraper. "Oh! Um, thanks!" I spit out. He introduced himself as Jim, and explained that he lives two houses down from me. He verbally made the assumption that I had just moved in. I corrected him saying "Actually, I've been here since August." You may be prepared for freezing rain, but you aren't very up-to-date with the goings on in the ol 3500 block huh Jim? But thanks to him, and his dog for dragging him out of bed for the morning walk, I got to work minutes before my Monday morning meeting. Today marks the first time I've benefited from a neighbor, just doing the neighborly thing. And my family and friends all say I should move after one measly drive by. Sheesh!

"If you live it up, you won't live it down"

2004-12-18T16:27:00.000-08:00

I'm listening to Tom Waits "Mule Variations" right now. Thus the title of today's post. This song in particular, "Hold On" always gets to me. Every time I hear it memories of past romances come to mind. For some reason Tom Waits conjures these thoughts via an unfamialar path. For example, every time I listen to Bob Seger I think of my ex-husband Rob. During our courtship and marrage we listened to "Against The Wind" over and over and over. It was something of an anthem to our relationship, which should have provided us some clue as to the fate of our marrage. Those songs make me think of Rob the way catching a whiff of a perfume you used to wear takes you back to the time when you wore it everyday.
Thanks to a couple of people, I was introduced to the music of Tom Waits. Its been about a year since I've been around those particular people and just as long as I've listened to Tom Waits. I've gotten to listening to my Waits records again and much to my suprise, I'm finding more comfort in these songs than any other to date. I think the best part about Tom Waits is the universalality and truths even expressed in these songs. "If you find somebody to have and to hold, don't trade it for silver, don't trade it for gold" I think of that line often when I remember a couple of people in particular, I remember how foolish I was to have cut short a relationship when I thoughts of better things that were out there if only I were single came to mind. It only re-enforces the fact that my biggest fear in life is dying alone. The people that come in and out of my life are brought to me for a reason, and more often than not, I fail to recognize what they mean to me in the time I have, only to realize the missed opportunity months or years later. It may be youth, but it's probably selfishness that causes me to do these things. Therefore, Resolution #1 for 2005 is, greet everyone with warmth and respect, they could be my best friend and I wouldn't even know it.

Good Writers Don't Necessarily Make Good Communicators

2004-12-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how, while producing insightful and eloquent prose, even the best writer can't quite procure the words to express themselves verbally, one on one. I should qualify this by first saying that I am in no way lumping all great writers into one stuttering group, but I'm referring to a particular individual who is very close to me. I find myself jealous that, while our feelings are mutual, important issues go undiscussed between us while he writes some of the most well-thought-out essays about life issues for anybody to see online. Even though the desire to delve with reckless abandon into particular topics exists between us, neither can bring themselves to just spit out the words.
This has been on my mind for the last couple of days. Its never been my role in any relationship to dig under the surface, seeking out answers to the "big" questions. When one finds an amazing person who they care for deeply, one wants to know these answers, just to simply get a better understanding of this person. Its similar to an epiphany when a person so wonderful introduces themselves into your life and suddenly you want to know every last detail about them. This has never been met with anything but enthusiasm; to share everything they think and know and have experienced, until now. The "big" questions remain unanswered while I feel I've made my curiosity known. I'm twenty five and this has never happened to me. It may be, that with age you might forget how to fall in love. Not that high schoolers have deep thoughts about life and God and the state of the nation, but these things were always blurted out with no real solicitation back then. I still feel too young to have forgotten something so primal. Perhaps I think to much, maybe he thinks too much. Perhaps he's writing in his blog now all about our ineptness at communication.
It should also be known that the lack of communication has been discussed as a potential problem. That's as far as it went. This is a problem that I've never had to deal with, I hope the answer is as plain as day. When we finally figure out how to talk to one another I'll laugh at how easy it was after all my worrying. We'll laugh at how we forgot something so easy and find a renewed sense of urgency to make up for lost time. That would be great. Its been nearly a month and I feel I know less about him then when we first met. That isn't supposed to be how new romance goes. Yes, I said romance. Its difficult to write about someone and be secretive as to the nature of the relationship. I wish we could be this open with each other. What is it about blogs that make it so damn easy? I wanted to make a policy about this blog banning any personal stuff, so what? Four posts in I've gone and spoiled it? I'm a woman for chrissakes! I can't not talk about feelings!
I promise this won't be a regular occurrence. Next post: "The Current State of Middle Eastern Affairs" or maybe even, "My New Year's Fiscal Resolutions" but hopefully it will be "The "Big" Questions Finally Revealed" if the flood gates ever let loose.

Trying to be an adult and do fancy adult things.

2004-12-14T19:25:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to my first book club meeting ever. I didn't read the book but they didn't either. I went to the library today after work to pick up next months selection, which they didn't have a copy of, so I requested a copy. Let's see if I get it in time for the January 10th meeting (which I will be hosting)
Its a book by a Japanese author so I figured we will have a Japanese theme for the evening. I'll be preparing sushi and probably some tofu stir-fry. I'm sure somebody will bring sake (being we are all pretty big drinkers judging from last night) Now I actually have an excuse to use the porcelain chop stick holders my ex-mother-in-law gave me.
I'm semi on the ball this holiday season for once. First thing I did when I got home was address Christmas cards! I got my first (and only) Christmas card from my friend Lora J two weeks ago, and her's was HAND MADE! What the hell is that!? Blast creative thoughtful people! She did teach me how to knit, and being in her cozy apartment for a mere 2 hours was enough to inspire me to start a new painting AND decopage some switch plates. So, slowly but surely I'll catch up to her ever endearing apartment and my place will seem to be less of a cave.
I say I'm semi on the ball only because I haven't purchased a single present yet. Not because I don't know what to get people, but because I'm dirt poor. I might have to order a little something for the bf online so he actually gets it before (or shortly after) Christmas. I was supposed to knit a scarf for him, but I need a lot more practice- maybe that will be a good Valen-Hearts gift. Nice! Forward thinking rules! Now if I could only plant the idea in his head to get dinner reservations now instead of being left to fend for myself (like usual)

A little something for the Fam:

2004-12-12T19:20:00.000-08:00

I just got home from my cousin's Christmas concert. She is a Contemporary Christian artist and her and her band "The Elements" get really busy this time of year. I've NEVER in my life really gotten into Christian music or gospel music too much, despite my family, but I can appreciate talent. Sara's got an amazing voice that really reaches out to people, and for that I admire her.
I could be totally misguided, but I like to think I have a pretty well rounded knowledge and appreciation of all kinds of music (except country that isn't Hank Williams.) I can count among my favorite bands Mr. Bungle, Dillenger Escape Plan and Otep as well as a slew of favorite composers such as Ralph Vaughn Williams, Shoenberg and Mahler. Thanks in no small part to my family. My mother would only let my sister and I listen to classical music but we could always hear Pink Floyd and King Crimson on the record player after we were lovingly tucked into bed.
It was kinda weird tonight being the only punk rock chick at this huge church concert. I'm sure everybody thought I was there because somebody was trying to "save" me. Eek. That type of evangical assault has never really been my cup 'o' tea. Which is probably why I'm Catholic.

Take This Job and Shove It.

2004-12-10T16:49:00.000-08:00

No, no don't do that. Not really.

Sometimes though, I wonder why not? Today couldn't have been worse. My office moved to a new location in a new building and therefore- all the upkeep rules apply. Because the only space interns can work effectively on mailings happens to be in the conference area of the office, I had to give my boss a dollar for leaving said mailings on the conference room table because they need to sit unfinished because oops the cd duplicator is busted, or oops, somebody forgot to refill the postage machine. So I handed over my one dollar, the only cash I happened to have, to my boss who easily makes six figures.
If that wasn't enough, my super-cool marketing ploy went to print and OOPS! The printer forgot the major element of the damn promotion! So I eat $800 bucks and I need to re-do it, with an even more limited time frame. I'm told that I am not to leave the office tonight until this is resolved. My boss seems to forget, I'm the ONLY person in the marketing department- I NEED HELP!
While cleaning up after the interns today, I had a brief moment of clarity. I thought to myself, "I should find a good man, settle down, have some kids and be a stay at home mom." Not 2 seconds later a follow-up thought came to mind, "I could run a label from my home AND be a stay at home mom!" There are two major flaws in this scenario. 1. I don't like kids and 2. The whole point of being a stay at home mom is to take care of kids, not run a record label. So, shit. I'm just going to have to suck it up for now. That, or go absolutely mad and be put in a half-way house. Either way, meh.
The point of this blog isn't to bitch about my life. My life kicks ass in all actuality. I have my health, I really do love my job most days, and I am surrounded by loving, supportive friends and family. Today however, made me contemplate throwing it all away and becoming a bum. I do have days at work that put a little too much stress on my body. I think I'm coming down with the flu, surprise, in time for the weekend! Crying helps though. It helps me at least. That's what the car ride home is for.